Things don't feel right. I've been grappling with this sensation for about a month now. Something just isn't right. I am not happy. I did that thing where I just thought about it for a while, ran down a list of things in my life that could be wrong. Is it J that I am unhappy with? No. Is it my job? No. Is it my home life? No. Really, I just feel so dull and tired and vaguely out of place. I feel as if I have no control but there is also nothing to have control over.
The problem is that it is starting to turn me into this blob of nothingness. As I said, I am so tired. I sleep from 11 to 7 and sometimes take a two hour nap in the middle of the day. I feel like everything I write is horrible shit. I keep gaining weight. (My goal was to lose a pound a week until June this year, leaving me at a stunning 118. I have gained a pound a month. Do the math and you'll know that I am not fat, just not happy.) Exercise is a chore and, while a half hour was easy to do just a little over a month ago, twenty minutes feels like hell now. My room is a mess. My car is a mess. I hate all of my clothes, even a bulk of my shoes. I am just sick of everything.
My solution? Well, I am just going to have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Right? Isn't that all you can do. I'll just have to eat better and make myself work out. I'll have to push myself to read and write. I'll have to frequent the Goodwill (our amazing resale shop). And today I told J that my room will be spotless when he gets home on Thursday and, if not, he has my permission to pester me about it and mock me.
And I suggest you put your big girl panties on too.
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