Past + Past + Past = Future?

There has been a lot of frustration lately on the home front and the work front and, since there is always frustration in the form of caddiness and gossip on the friend front and the boyfriend front, it is needless to say that I am frustrated.

For one, I can pretty much divide myself up into those four categories; Friends, boyfriends, work, and home. I feel utterly simplified by this.

Just received word from my real estate agent that the house we were waiting for some information on just went into pending. For someone else. Again. This is the third house we have lost because listing agents feel not need to return calls to my agent, even if she is the president of the county's realtors' association. I would think that real estate agents would have a little more class than that. I mean, when I mentioned to a mortgage guy that we were working with said agent, he began returning calls immediatly and saying things like, "Please let T know that I called you back!" At this point, I just want a house. That we have been trying so hard and finding so little is very frustrating. T's voice was shaking with anger on her voicemail. "Rachael, I have more bad news..."

It has been implied that I should seek a new agent, that she may not have our best interests in mind, but T has been in my family for years. She actually managed to convince a lady to gift my grandmother her house after discovering the Grandpa lost it in a poker bet in the 70's. (Sorry, Grams, if you are upset at me for sharing this story but it is so classing and all of the parties involved (with the exception of T) and dead.)

I just feel so stuck right now. J and I have been engaged for SIX YEARS. We have been house shopping for months, in a buyers market. There are no extra hours for me at work and no openings available even though I have a higher degree and am ready to move up. My ex-sister-in-law just had a baby and my ovaries are working double time, kicking me in time with my biological clock. The cats are gone all of the time because it is nice out and when they are home they are just balls of complete exhaustion and previously-alive-puke. My car is old. My wine is cheap. And something horrible just occured to me...

I want to do it alone.

I want to write my book. I want to get my degree. I want to buy my own house and decorate the whole damn thing in purple. And I want a kitten! That's right, a kitten.

Basically, all that this adds up to is that I have a lot of work and a lot of waiting to do. And since I have no patience and am lazy, I might just drink a bottle of wine tonight, bum style, and lean on my friends...