The only thing that could make me feel better this week...

My fiance, Jas (I give up on Pirate J), is an engineer. He works for a company that makes machines that measure stuff. I don't really understand it, to tell the truth. His work stories are long and boring and have words like "sphere" and "calibration" in them. I usually smile and nod to get through these things. Anyway, part of Jas's job is flying all over the country to install and fix machines. In the past month he has been to Palm Beach, Boston, and L.A. He's gone Monday through Friday almost every week.

Before Jas took this job last November, we had spent every day of our then over seven years together, well, together. Not everyday. But in those seven years we only spent about 14 days apart and most of those were for my job at the time, the bridal shop. For three days a year I was in Chicago buying stock for the following season. The other times we didn't see each other were because he went to Florida once to pick up his grandfather after his grandma passed away and because of snow. Though, I do remember sending my father out to pick him up once when there was a blizzard. Such is our relationship. I am practically an only child so I love having someone to play with. He makes me laugh. I love just being able to see him.

You'd think that this new career would have me feeling miserable but it really doesn't bother me. My father drove truck over the road when I was growing up, Monday through Friday, every week. My mother raised me, stayed at home with me. I have actually kind of enjoyed Jas being on the road. I don't have to shave my legs unless I plan on wearing a dress. He doesn't see just how lazy I have become. When I tell him, "I worked on my novel every day last week," he doesn't know that I only edited ten pages a day because that's all that I can handle. I did sell myself out last week when he noticed I had read three books and three magazines. Still, for a while, things were wonderful. He was gone all week, when we would have been too busy to really do anything anyways, and he came home on the weekend and spent time with me. We went to the movies and dinner and laid in bed and talked. It was great.

However, the problem became that everyone wanted Jas's time. One weekend he had to fix his mom's car, help his dad with the pigs, fix a friend's truck, and take me to dinner. By the end of the weekend, he had taken no time for himself.

Jason's hobby is restoring classic cars. He picked this up from my dad and they work on cars together. It's quite cute. Jason took this week off to work on his car. I understand, I really do. BUT, I am feeling a little neglected. I suggested that we go to the mall or a tourist town in the area and he yelled at me, "I am doing nothing but working on my car this weekend!" Well fine. I pretended he wasn't home for most of the week. Then I woke up today CRABBY. All I wanted was one day of his time. I make a point to ask as little of him as possible. Take me to dinner Friday nights. Maybe go to a party Saturday night. I try not to cut in on car time. But he shouldn't have to spend time with me. He should want to spend time with me. I exploded into tears.

It's been a rough week. I am lonely because I usually spend a half hour on the phone with him. Saturday we have a wedding that neither of us want to go to and Jason is making a big deal about because we could see 7 Mary 3 and Sponge in concert instead. On top of this, there was a hole in the dress I bought and I thought I was going to have to wear soemthing else. I tried on all of the appropriate dresses in my closet and NONE of them fit. I feel fat and ugly and stupid and friendless. I am beginning to feel a little crazy. Someone I care about broke my heart. Work is crazy busy. My car is in need of repairs. I am weepy and lonely and even a little clingy. I couldn't think of what would make me feel better.

Then it just happened.

A lady I work with, who we will call R, had a dream about me last night. We were in a restraunt or bar and I was with a really cute boy who was not Jason. Jason came in and looked very mopey and I said he just wasn't handling things too well. Another guy came in and all three of them got in a fight over me.

That just makes me feel grand. :)